So what it means what it feels like the narcissist really loves you and help you get back to reality based thinking. one of the most difficult aspects of Therapy & coaching is helping clients understand what honest sincere love really looks like, and that an abusive or narcissistic person is incapable of genuine love.

Because many of us were raised in dysfunctional homes. We grew up believing that love involves elements of pain and betrayal. And sometimes even physical abuse. This is partly why we excuse people who lose it on us lie to us and deceive us, only to come back later begging for forgiveness. And guess what?

We forgive them adding to our deep subconscious, yet inaccurate beliefs that love involves pain is that on top of our parents may not have been nurturing or attentive, and sometimes were abusive and cruel. We depended on them for our basic needs of clothing, food, education and medical care as children we form the perception that because our parents or caregivers met these basic needs, they loved us.

We had no way of processing otherwise emotionally traumatising events of neglect or abuse because our young mind had nothing to relate these experiences to and so we grew up believing that love simply heard that it was okay. Not only to hurt people that you love, but also to tolerate this painful pseudo version of love. Some of our childhood experiences were so painful.

We blocked them out as a way to survive. And other cases our parents may not have been abusive, but neither were they nurturing or attentive. Our parents may have loved us but because of their own childhood experiences and false ideas of love. They didn't know that they needed to be in tune with our emotional needs. Children were once viewed as small versions of adults and therefore, we were expected to behave as such.

perhaps when you were an infant, your parents believed that they were supposed to let you cry it out in your crib, so you wouldn't be clinging and so they left you in your crib crying and alone. This foolish medical advice actually led to a large portion of society growing up with an insecure attachment style.

And then as we grew up, we had an unmeasurable number of interactions with our parents or other caretakers and authority figures that taught us how others would likely respond to us.

Sadly, because society in general was ignorant about child development and the importance of nurturing, loving care, we received very unfortunate and false messages about our worth.

These messages then layered upon each other and formed the core of who we are. You can see why these beliefs are not easily changed, but such change is possible. But it does require going outside of your comfort zone, which often feels very uncomfortable, and exploring new ways of interacting with ourselves and with others, and becoming our own best friend.

It requires acknowledging, accepting and embracing that love doesn't hurt, nor is that abusive or cruel. And it doesn't require letting yourself fail so that another person can succeed. If the above are these things I've talked about, is your idea of love.

Love doesn't hurt. And if your partner hurts you in these ways, it's not love, but a harmful form of emotional abuse. That can have very devastating effects. You are not a helpless child anymore. You are allowed to acknowledge that the so called Love that this person has bestowed upon you is in reality, a very personal form of abuse and manipulation