One of the most important lessons we can ever learn as a  highly sensitive and intuitive empath is safeguarding and preserving our energy. When life force energy is flowing through us unhindered, refill light, spacious, compassionate, rounded and full of energy.

As an empath we need to be extremely careful about the energy we permit into our lives. We need to learn how to create balance between what we give and what we receive because energy is such a precious gift.

Narcissists and energy vampires are the two types of people that deplete our energy the most. There is an irresistible attraction & toxic Dynamic and potential solutions for the empath narcissist connection. By nature us Empaths are gentle, perceptive and we can see the hidden face behind smiles, deception behind smooth and polished personalities that anger underneath Goodwill and we will see hurt right before people lash out fundamentally we are multi sensory beings who pick up on people's personas and feel others innermost emotions as are own.

A narcissist on the other hand is the exact opposite of an empath, emotionally narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them as a result of their emotional shallowness narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around particularly when they overlap with more extreme sociopathic traits.

The Narcissist has a lavish desirable and Powerful ego other people merely become obstacles to be destroyed or Stepping Stones towards an idealised identity. Associating with a narcissist is one of the most disturbing, frightening and upsetting experiences we can have in life. We have to understand why we tend to get in narcissistic relationships in the first place and how to prevent this from reoccurring

At first glance an Empath and a narcissist appear to have nothing in common at all so why are we drawn to them, why do we feel too much and they don't feel anything at all towards us and others. Whilst we are caring, their callous and indifferent and don’t care about anyone else but themselves, while we're focused on helping others they are focused on worshipping their ego.

Yet despite these opposing traits we Are nethertheless learnt into the narcissist circle like a moth to a flame. So why do we repetitively fall into such a damaging relationship with these types of people?

One of the major reasons that an empath and narcissists are attracted to each other is because of the Empath desire to help the narcissist and the narcissist decides to take advantage of the Empaths emotional support and often we mistake it for the experience of love.

Being highly perceptive of ways to exploit others the narcissist will almost instantly pick up on this vulnerability of an empath and will slowly manipulate US into playing their pity party game, this game is designed to both gain special attention. The moment we’re hooked the narcissist will feed off the Goodwill like an emotional parasite. But the truth is underneath this

charade there often is a deep self-hatred and in a pain which can immediately feel making it easier for us to buy into their charade and being blinded by our desire to help the narcissist we fall into this trap.

Another reason why we tend to fall into the disturbing gravitational pull of a narcissist is because of their charming but confusing allure. Have you ever met a person who showers people with praise and is highly intelligent and charismatic yet there is something looming behind the surface which you can't quite pick up on? This person was most likely a narcissist .

Later you might discover conflicting messages as you spot a darker more vicious side emerge in this person. Then you start becoming curious about this person in an effort to figure them out but being Masters of deception they will eventually catch you in a way but their lies and manipulation

The final more spiritual explanation of why we tend to enter narcissistic relationships is because in meeting a narcissist we meet our “inverted” or  “reversed” selves because  the fundamental laws of the universe are about creating balance and harmony.  The same applies to our connection with narcissist when we meet and fall into the gravitational pull of a narcissist we're entering a significant life lesson that involves learning how to create boundaries, self-respect and resilience through trial and error and a lot of pain

Through a lot of trial and error a narcissist teaches us the necessary lessons we need to become a mature empath and a narcissist on the other hand may experience  great disturbance and disruption when an empath in their life leaves out of disgust. Particularly one who's in a close relationship with them. Sometimes but very rarely this is enough for them to seek professional help.

Being brainwashed into believing that it's our place to change, fix, heal, support or cure the narcissist in our life, we quickly become emotionally enmeshed. Both empaths and narcissists from the very start have poor boundaries a narcissist will be willing to cross any boundary there is in order to uphold their inflated sense of self and an empath doesn't really know what boundaries are due to their tendency to feel everything from everyone all the time therefore both empaths and narcissists become a mesh very rapidly because they're poorly established boundaries

With this emotional entanglement it's very easy for empaths to quickly lose touch with reality it doesn't help that the narcissist tends to play sickening and mind games with the intent of keeping us docile and subservient as a result of poor boundaries and a poor sense of self, we begin to doubt ourselves, we are told that we are selfish for taking time out for ourselves and made to feel like terrible human beings for a critiquing something and we are told that were being too sensitive and we're not remembering the details properly when in conversations with them.

One of the most popular ways narcissists control Empaths is through emotional abuse which is what creates the codependent/ abuser connection often seen in empath/ narcissist relationships. Because empaths  can see the world through their partners point of view ,they frequently tend to completely mesh with the viewpoint of their abusers, so when an empaths are told that they are uncaring from a narcissistic partner, the empath will generally feel as though they are a horrible person due to the fact that they can feel island embody the emotions of their partners. In other words an empaths already fragile self will become even weaker when they feel like horrible people around their narcissistic partners. and if that empaths self-worth is already low to begin with they will quickly start believing that they are a terrible person.

In turn this feeling of not ‘being enough’ will fuel the empath to doubt themselves as a caring and loving person to the narcissistic partner which is exactly what the narcissist wants. The more the narcissist causes the empath to doubt their goodness, the more the empath will seek validation, and the more control the narcissist will have. This vicious Cycle quickly spirals into a toxic codependent connection in which the empath is dependent on the narcissist for his or her self-worth and identity.

Another point to make is that Narcissistic relationships aren't always romantic they can often be experienced with our parents siblings and even friends

Once an empath is stuck in the Clutches of the narcissistic and codependent relationship it can be difficult to get untangled because of the depletion of energy within the empath finding the willpower to take a step back and look at the big picture and cut the connection can be extremely difficult.

Fortunately shattering such a destructive connection is possible if you're currently in or have been a narcissistic relationship and wish to exit or prevent such an affiliation from happening again here are a number of healing paths you can follow:

Take a holiday

if you're able to create as much physical distance if you can between you and your narcissistic partner, family or friend. For example you could simply take a holiday by seeing a relative or actually take a holiday. Physical distance will help you to remove the narcissist energy from your life so you can begin to think and feel clearly again your benefit from stopping contact from the narcissist as much as possible e.g. not answering your phone texting or emailing your partner and reflect on how you feel the narcissist will likely to become angry for that something you need to be prepared to deal with in whatever way you can

Explore who you are
One of the major issues that empaths struggle with is a weak sense of self and poor boundaries therefore self-discovery is one of the best ways to understand who you are and how to create stronger boundaries.

Practice self love and self care and connect with nature
regularly set aside for yourself and things you enjoy doing the more you take care of yourself, the more of your energy will return and the more confidence you’ll gain in cutting ties with a narcissist in your life. Take care of your body, your emotions, your energy and your dreams and connect with nature everyday. Explore books and workshops that can help you learn to practice self love and confidence

Try the grey rock method

One of the best ways to escape predatory Relationships with narcissists is by practicing the grey rock method. The grey rock method is essentially a way of making yourself so boring to a narcissist that they eventually leave you alone. Narcissists thrive on drama and reaction. When you  deprive them of that they quickly start to lose interest in you

Develop a  support network

Speak with trusted friends and family members about how you're feeling if you don't have anyone you trust, contact a support network or join our community here at Holly Wheeler Therapy. Sometimes getting the perspective of another person is all you need to get up and leave.

 

Love Holly xxx